


my eyes see it all so clear

by towardstheair



Category: Adam Lambert (Musician), American Idol RPF, Kris Allen (Musician)
Genre: M/M
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2010-03-21
Updated: 2010-03-21
Packaged: 2017-10-21 08:42:08
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,423
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/223234
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/towardstheair/pseuds/towardstheair
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Tommy knows Adam pretty well by now.</p>
            </blockquote>





	my eyes see it all so clear

Tommy learns things about Adam early on in their friendship, things that he is sure should take a lifetime to learn about someone. It's like he has met a kindred spirit, after years of wondering if he would ever meet someone who really understands him, Adam enters his life and it's unexpected and strange and nothing at all like what he expected he would be doing.

 

Even though it doesn't compare to being in his own band, performing music that is a part of him feels as though it is exactly the place he should be right now. He can't imagine walking away or wanting to be anywhere else. It's not all Adam. He isn't the only thing that makes him feel that way, there are hundred little reasons that build up and centre around Adam that make him want to stay right where he is.

 

Living literally on top of someone, sharing day and night should take its toll. He thinks he should be sick of Adam's company and given any chance, want to get away from the three other people who are his band members, yet he finds himself being drawn to them even on the days when he doesn't have to be. There is something comforting about their company that he craves.

 

He has seen different sides of Adam, different versions, the public and the private, the highs and the lows, and he is even now discovering new sides of Adam's personality, he is constantly surprised whenever he is in Adam's presence.

 

The show tonight isn't as over the top as some of the previous shows they have done, he loves that nothing is predictable when he is on stage with Adam, that anything could happen and it usually does. It feels like a different crowd, but maybe that's because Allison and Kris are performing as well, the vibe is different there, an air of excitement for everyone, not that it isn't usually there but, it’s

 

 _different._

 

Something he can't quite explain.

 

He doesn't know Kris well, he has listened to Adam talk about him with an admiration that he has never heard Adam speak of about anyone else. He has nothing but good things to say, so many memories he has shared with Tommy that make him wish he had been there to share with him. Sometimes he catches Adam stopping himself, like there is more to the story that he wants to add. Maybe it's private, not something Tommy needs to know. Tommy does know it’s the only time he sees Adam become distant, his body one place and his mind somewhere else.

 

There are a lot of people backstage, three lots of band members and a whole bunch of people that Tommy doesn't know. He lingers near Zack and talks to her and Cale, Kris's guitar player. He is sweet and has a lot of funny stories about Kris to tell. Kris walks by and over hears the end of one and playfully punches Cale in the arm. The friendship is clearly strong.

 

He is kind of lost in conversation for a while, Zack leaves to talk to Allison, Monte comes over with a much needed drink and before he knows it, it's been over two hours and he hasn't spoken to Adam at all. It takes him a while to spot Adam amongst the crowds of people, but he finally spots him huddled in a corner talking quietly to Kris. They are practically hidden, no one would know they were there unless someone was looking.

 

Kris is the same he has always been the few times Tommy has met him, he is relaxed and happy, smiling from ear to ear, laughing occasionally at something Adam says. It isn't Kris that surprises him, he hasn't spent months getting to know Kris, becoming his friend and part of his life. But Adam, he thought he was getting used to the surprises of how Adam changes, the different shades of his personality, but this is not something Tommy can describe or define.

 

There is Adam happy, with his friends or family and it's beautiful and an amazing thing to see. But this is different, Adam has no barriers up, no defences. The slight edge that Tommy sometimes suspects is the small part of Adam that still feels self-conscious is gone. He looks comfortable and content, and Kris is grabbing onto his arm, gripping on tightly as Adam whispers something into his ear and then Kris laughs and when Adam pulls his face back, it is as though something has lit him on fire and he is burning brightly.

 

Someone comes up to them then, someone Tommy has never seen before. They speak just to Kris and Adam's face drops. The burning fades out. When it's just the two of them again neither seem to be speaking, just staring at one another, waiting to say goodbye. Adam doesn't initiate the hug, it's all on Kris who grips onto Adam tightly. Tommy is sure Kris whispers something into Adam's ear before pressing a kiss on the side of his face.

 

He never saw it before, maybe he wasn't looking hard enough before. It was never something he thought about. Tommy knew Kris as the guy who had beat Adam to the American Idol crown, the person who had been Adam's closest friend through the whole experience and someone who Adam always said would be his friend forever no matter what.

 

But Tommy was starting to think that no matter what was a thin line that both of them were treading. It didn't look like two friends saying goodbye. He had seen that look before, he had looked into someone's eyes and given them that look. It was longing and a need to drag out a goodbye for as long as possible. Kris pulled away with reluctance and Adam's arms seemed to stay outstretched, an empty place where Kris had occupied.

 

Adam looks at the empty space where Kris was for a long time, unaware of anyone else in the room, unaware of the audience he has from Tommy. Again he sees a new side of Adam, a new face he hasn't seen before. He looks heartbroken. Like his world just fell apart around him.

 

Tommy didn't understand. He didn't understand just what Kris was to Adam. Even after all the conversations, the small signs he just hadn't realised. He remembers after the AMA performance, backstage had been a crazy experience, it was too busy and hectic after getting off stage and the whole thing had felt like a blur. Kris had been watching from the sidelines and Adam was hyper, still energised from the performance and something about the way Kris watched Adam, was off. There was a look in his eyes that seem disapproving. Tommy can see it all again now, like it’s happening in front of his eyes. It wasn't that Kris disapproved, it's that Kris wanted to be a part of it, he wanted to share the moment with Adam but couldn't. He was on the outside looking in.

 

Adam is suddenly by his side, arm wrapped around him and laughing along with Monte. It's like the last few minutes didn't even happen. Adam is a good actor, good at covering up the things he doesn't want people to see. It makes Tommy feel a brief flicker of anger, but then Kris, who he thought had left, is across the other side of the room with his band members and Allison and they are all laughing loudly and when Adam hears it, he looks up at them, the longing back on his face.

 

Tommy wants to push him over there, urge him to go and be where he clearly wants to be. But that woman, whoever it was that went up to them clearly told them to do this. Told them to separate. Obviously, Tommy wasn't the only audience they had.

 

Tommy loops his own arm around Adam's waist and grips on tightly. He still feels kind of angry. Angry at Kris for not saying “fuck off” and just stay talking to Adam, angry at Adam for not fighting harder to stay near his friend, then Adam looks down at him with a small weary smile and all the anger melts away.

 

Tommy doesn't ever think Adam will come right out and say what is really there between him and Kris, what it is that their friendship borders on. But Tommy thinks that Adam really doesn't need to.


End file.
